Relationship breakups and separations can be very difficult. When separations include being parents this can be even harder as you have the added responsibility of providing support to your children and managing your own emotional needs simultaneously.

My intention is to provide some pointers for you to consider that will assist you to make helpful choices and support your Childs ability to remain emotionally safe and not get caught in the crossfire of a bad separation.

You don’t need a specialist to tell you as parents that the emotional health and well being of a child is enhanced when they enjoy a healthy relationship with both parents. The needs of children will of course vary depending on many factors, in particular the age and emotional development of each child. Here are some tips that you may already be aware of but can act as a reminder in times of upheaval.

• • • Remember  that children look to parents for guidance not further confusion 
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    • Children by nature are curious allow them to talk and ask questions and be willing to answer. Find it in your heart to speak positively  of their other parent however angry or disappointed you may be feeling
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    • Be aware of your own behaviour, consider what unspoken messages you may be passing on to your children
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    • Provide reassurance by ensuring the child does not hold the idea that they did something wrong and the breakup was in anyway their fault
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    • Minimise the risk of children feeling rejected or abandoned. Ensure children are clear that the parent who is leaving the family home is leaving the relationship between you and them not the relationship with the children
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    • Let them know they are loved by you both and that will not change
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    • Make them aware they don’t have to choose or take sides in anyway
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    • Give them re-assurance that they will be allowed to continue to have contact with their other parent
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    • Agree a parenting plan to create consistency between homes

Separate well for the benefit of your children and for yourselves. If necessary get some help and support.